The Birds and the Bees of Dialogue

We know conversations can influence hearts and minds. But did you know conversations change body chemistry, as well? Relationships grow or are limited by conversational triggers that effect our neurochemistry.

Dopamine is released in the brain when you talk to people you trust. This stimulates the prefrontal cortex, the brain region that generates new ideas, empathy, creative thinking and good judgment. Conversations like these create a self-sustaining cycle of trust.

In contrast, conversations between people with low trust levels release chemicals that shut down the prefrontal cortex: cortisol and catecholamine. These stimulate more primitive areas that are sensitive to conflict, prompt protective brain functions and generate negativity and fight-flight-freeze responses. Trust doesn't develop when primitive brain functions like these are in control.

CHANGING THE CONVERSATION

Power dynamics in conversation are not discussed regularly, yet they can greatly impact the quality of work relationships. Judith Glaser, author and organizational anthropologist points out; “The next level of greatness depends on the quality of the culture, which depends on the quality of the relationships, which depends on the quality of the conversations.”

It’s easier to think about vulnerability from the ‘one-down’ position. Imagine a manager asks, “Could we try it like this?” or “Did you think about doing it this way?” Depending on the relationship, you might consider the manager helpful or micromanaging. Either way, energy is absorbed or exchanged, but not generated in a conversation like this. Your role is to deliver what's expected, not to help find a solution.

What if, in the same exchange, you were asked, “How could we approach this differently?” How would that influence your energy? Would you feel more comfortable expressing your thoughts and ideas?

There's an opportunity cost in choosing to solve instead of involve, even when it’s with the intent of being helpful. This applies to relationships with grant recipients, volunteers, colleagues – anyone you interact with regularly. Keeping these dynamics, and the biology behind them in mind can create new possibilities for your partnerships.

Why Charity Is a New, Hot Marketing Tool

This week, I spoke with Michelle Castillo at CNBC about The Chive, an unexpected company promoting charities while building their brand. Read the article here. 

Partnerships and Power Dynamics

It’s understood that with money, comes power. Funders can choose to amplify the influence of money, or diminish its role. Similarly, nonprofits can approach a funder ‘hat in hand’, or as pro-active partners. It’s in the best interest for both to neutralize the influence money brings. Here’s why:

YOU ONLY GET SO FAR WITH A SUGAR DADDY

While NGO’s may fantasize about ‘benevolent funders’, there are limitations to no-strings-attached funds. Funding without commitment is tenuous; a foundation for trust to develop doesn’t exist.  Further, when funders are focused on the immediate impact, opportunities to innovate are limited. Nonprofits will be afraid to experiment with new methods that could make a more significant improvements if they fear blame and financial loss. Ultimately, funders who are invested in their partners learning and growth, and share a commitment to the partnership are best positioned to have a transformative impact on society.

Funding relationships are ultimately human relationships- they grow through mutual understanding, learning and appreciation. Positive emotions like these build strong, trusting bonds. These relationships, while more complex, are also more satisfying – to funders, service providers, and the community at large.

RESILIENCE IS THE NEW NORMAL

The economic downturn brought many lessons about the importance of resilience. Equitable relationships are inherently more resilient than transactional partnerships. Maintaining an equitable relationship builds greater trust, more flexibility and less micromanagement.

When partners understand they share the same over-arching goals and measures of success for their work together, it’s easier to maintain equity. For funders, this could mean asking about the drain on human resources that will come from taking on new projects. For nonprofits, could mean speaking up if a funder is suggesting something that makes them uncomfortable.

INVOLVE – DON’T SOLVE

Funding ignites a partnership and kindling keeps fires burning. Shared goals and communication create the kindling that keep partnerships alive. When partners involve one another, learn from one another, respect one another, and unite towards a common vision for success, people, partnerships and organizations can be changed in transformative ways.

Balanced working relationships benefit from diverse thinking, are more adaptive, and more sustainable. Funders and nonprofit leaders that understand how to discuss and navigate power dynamics forge trusting partnerships and make significant, positive impact, even during volatile times. 

Transforming Partnerships, One Conversation at a Time

It was the largest first-time funding commitment our department ever made. From the initial research to the first meeting, through site visits, internal meetings and reports, we were finally making the program a reality. But soon after high-fiving my colleague, I realized if this partnership evolved like others, it was likely the relationship was about to peak.

While our new partners were appreciative now, they already received gifts 10 times our size from other companies. Before long, we would talk about renewing for next year. Inevitably, they would ask for more. Dread was creeping in, and our partnership had just begun.

The realizations following that day changed my relationships with nonprofit partners forever and in the process, increased the impact of programs both for our company and the organizations we funded. 

THE ROAD TO TRUST IS PAVED WITH VULNERABILITY

During the first meeting, I let our new partner know that while we were as enthusiastic about the work they were doing as other funders, our decentralized structure meant it was unlikely our funding would reach similar levels. While maintaining high expectations, I encouraged an appropriate cultivation strategy and asked for their ideas about how we could work together most effectively.

Our partner was gracious and enthusiastic. They were delighted their proposal was compelling enough to earn a ‘reach’ gift their first year and appreciated the work done at the company on their behalf. While they confessed to imagining a larger ask in the future, they vowed to work diligently to impress the company leaders so and advocate on their behalf at any funding level. Future requests always included an opportunity for deeper reach, but never undermined the value of our initial gift.

LEARNING IS A TWO-WAY STREET

That moment of truth allowed us to celebrate a milestone, changed the trajectory of our relationship and defined how we would work together. After that conversation, others came more easily. We spoke about how we worked with other partners, and focused on learning about the partnerships that were most satisfying.  We discovered some clues to insure success in our relationship and started to create a shared vision of how we might work together most successfully. We also learned about how each of our organizations defined goals, got things done and monitored progress. These early conversations helped us work together efficiently and saved time later.

Like any good relationship, communication is key. When partners respect one another, learn from one another and unite towards a common goal, people, partnerships and organizations can be transformed. Further, starting a partnership on a more even playing field made it more resilient and efficient than others.