The Birds and the Bees of Dialogue

We know conversations can influence hearts and minds. But did you know conversations change body chemistry, as well? Relationships grow or are limited by conversational triggers that effect our neurochemistry.

Dopamine is released in the brain when you talk to people you trust. This stimulates the prefrontal cortex, the brain region that generates new ideas, empathy, creative thinking and good judgment. Conversations like these create a self-sustaining cycle of trust.

In contrast, conversations between people with low trust levels release chemicals that shut down the prefrontal cortex: cortisol and catecholamine. These stimulate more primitive areas that are sensitive to conflict, prompt protective brain functions and generate negativity and fight-flight-freeze responses. Trust doesn't develop when primitive brain functions like these are in control.

CHANGING THE CONVERSATION

Power dynamics in conversation are not discussed regularly, yet they can greatly impact the quality of work relationships. Judith Glaser, author and organizational anthropologist points out; “The next level of greatness depends on the quality of the culture, which depends on the quality of the relationships, which depends on the quality of the conversations.”

It’s easier to think about vulnerability from the ‘one-down’ position. Imagine a manager asks, “Could we try it like this?” or “Did you think about doing it this way?” Depending on the relationship, you might consider the manager helpful or micromanaging. Either way, energy is absorbed or exchanged, but not generated in a conversation like this. Your role is to deliver what's expected, not to help find a solution.

What if, in the same exchange, you were asked, “How could we approach this differently?” How would that influence your energy? Would you feel more comfortable expressing your thoughts and ideas?

There's an opportunity cost in choosing to solve instead of involve, even when it’s with the intent of being helpful. This applies to relationships with grant recipients, volunteers, colleagues – anyone you interact with regularly. Keeping these dynamics, and the biology behind them in mind can create new possibilities for your partnerships.

Partnerships and Power Dynamics

It’s understood that with money, comes power. Funders can choose to amplify the influence of money, or diminish its role. Similarly, nonprofits can approach a funder ‘hat in hand’, or as pro-active partners. It’s in the best interest for both to neutralize the influence money brings. Here’s why:

YOU ONLY GET SO FAR WITH A SUGAR DADDY

While NGO’s may fantasize about ‘benevolent funders’, there are limitations to no-strings-attached funds. Funding without commitment is tenuous; a foundation for trust to develop doesn’t exist.  Further, when funders are focused on the immediate impact, opportunities to innovate are limited. Nonprofits will be afraid to experiment with new methods that could make a more significant improvements if they fear blame and financial loss. Ultimately, funders who are invested in their partners learning and growth, and share a commitment to the partnership are best positioned to have a transformative impact on society.

Funding relationships are ultimately human relationships- they grow through mutual understanding, learning and appreciation. Positive emotions like these build strong, trusting bonds. These relationships, while more complex, are also more satisfying – to funders, service providers, and the community at large.

RESILIENCE IS THE NEW NORMAL

The economic downturn brought many lessons about the importance of resilience. Equitable relationships are inherently more resilient than transactional partnerships. Maintaining an equitable relationship builds greater trust, more flexibility and less micromanagement.

When partners understand they share the same over-arching goals and measures of success for their work together, it’s easier to maintain equity. For funders, this could mean asking about the drain on human resources that will come from taking on new projects. For nonprofits, could mean speaking up if a funder is suggesting something that makes them uncomfortable.

INVOLVE – DON’T SOLVE

Funding ignites a partnership and kindling keeps fires burning. Shared goals and communication create the kindling that keep partnerships alive. When partners involve one another, learn from one another, respect one another, and unite towards a common vision for success, people, partnerships and organizations can be changed in transformative ways.

Balanced working relationships benefit from diverse thinking, are more adaptive, and more sustainable. Funders and nonprofit leaders that understand how to discuss and navigate power dynamics forge trusting partnerships and make significant, positive impact, even during volatile times.